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Song 'o' the Day ---} A Simple Plan - I'm Just A Kid

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Yeah, so it's been almost a month since I've written, and I'm sorry. As I've said many times before, I dont' know if anyone actually reads these things, but in case anyone does, here's a brief update of my life.

I'm home until next August at least because I didn't get housing for Kutz-fucking-town in the fall. I'm real happy about this one (note the sarcasm here 'cause I'm laying it on REAL thick). I haven't been up past 2 since I've come home because there's nothing to do. I've basically just passed out in front of my TV every night. I haven't even gone out because I don't have any friends from around here anymore. I've been lonely, depressed, and trapped since I've been home basically. Pretty much every freedom I had while I was at school is no more thanks to my anal-retentive parents and their stuck-in-the-fifties frames of mind.

I started work this past Monday at Wegman's. This, sadly, has been the highlight of my life lately. I get to get out of the house for hours on end. There's a smoking lounge where I can eat my lunch and take my breaks without fear of someone I know catching me. Of course, the act of actually BUYING cigarettes was harrowing today. I was SO paranoid. I think I'm going to buy them somewhere else from now on and just bring them with me.

I've been slowly packing up my room since I've come home so that it can be painted. I'm also getting new furniture, but that's not important right now. What's important is that going through all my old shit (and there is a LOT of it) has not helped my mood. Its just been making me miss my friends even more than I had already.

I just want to go back to the last week of school and relive it again. Would I do anything different? Of course, but there's not a lot I would change. I wish I could have said my goodbyes a bit differently to some people. There are a few people I wish I could have seen just one more time before I left. There's one person, in particular, that I wish I had had the courage to be more honest with the last time I saw him. I fear the last time I hung out with him could have been our last. We've said that we'll see each other and visit and all that bullshit, but being the cynic I am, the thought that it was all comforting lies is causing my stomach to turn every time I really dwell upon it. I don't think he'll actually see this, so I'm going to say "fuck it," and put a little note here for him. Mike ("farmiliar" Mike), if you see this, I miss you and I wish we could have spent more time together before the end of the semester.

My three years at Penn State were not just the best years of my life because they were fun--they also taught me so many things. I grew into the person I think I always was inside. Though I still have issues (who doesn't?), I am much more comfortable with who and how I am. I also befriended some of the best people I could ever call friends. Though a few of the early friendships were ill-fated, they were "growing experiences," and I hope I won't make the same mistakes later in life.

I consider my friends to be the most important part of my life in the last three years, and I thank them all for allowing me to both mature because of them and with them while still holding onto our youth at the same time. I don't think I ever had more fun than when I was acting on a whim and being stupid with a close friend. And there's nothing more touching or personal for me than when I spent some quality time one-on-one with someone (often with the help of everyone's good friend Bob).

I guess I just want to thank everyone I've come in contact with for the last three years (this includes people online). I've been so sentimental lately, but there's little else for me to do. It's not like I can drink away my sorrows as my dad worries that I'm an alcoholic every time I even MENTION beer or something. But anyway... Thank you everyone.
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